Professor Charles Xavier Pokes People
by Pietro's Hot Sexy Mama
Summary: If you can't tell what this story is about by looking at the title, then I can safely say that you are a moron.


**Professor Charles Xavier Pokes People**

****

It was a wonderful, sunny day and Little Johnny and Georgie were out romping about the park, happily tossing a bright red ball back and forth as their cheerful cries of delight filled the air. Little did they know… they were being WATCHED. 

From the random and conviently placed bushes, what passers by would describe as a 'psycho bald-man hobo in a wheelchair' watched carefully. He narrowed his eyes, waiting for the best moment to strike. 

"Pass it here, Johnny!"

"Of course, Georgie!" His friend replied, gaily offering the ball to the sky. As both boys' eyes were fixed on the ball he made his move. He pushed the small lever on his wheelchair that allowed it to move forward.

"Nice catch, Georgie!" Little Johnny called. 

"Hey, Johnny. Whose that?" Little Georgie asked, pointing over his shoulder at the slowly, but determinedly approaching man. Little Johnny turned around to see who his friend was gesticulating towards. They both blinked as the man began to laugh.

"AAAHHAHAHA-ha-HAHA-hahaha-ahahaha-ha… ha…" He muttered rather manically. The boys continued to blink. Finally, the man stopped and put two fingers to his temple. 

"OW!" The boys chorused as they simultaneously felt THE POKE. 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHA!" The man cried as he slowly made his way back to the random and conveniently placed bush.

The boys just blinked.

..::::::::::::::::::::..

"YEAH, MAN! TOTALLY RAD GAME WE'RE GONNA HAVE TODAY!!!!!!" Random football doof #12 said as his fellow teammates made other various comments of the same nature. 

"We're sooooooooo gonna thrash that opposing team!" Shouted Duncan Mathews, their captain. Or not. Well, he was dating Jean, and she would only date the captain. Or the quarter back. Isn't that the captain? Okay.

"Dude, is you're, like, girlfriend gonna be there?" Said random football doof #4. 

"Dude, she totally dumped me for that sunglasses at night dude." He lamented.

"DUDE! BOGUS!" 

"Yeah… WE'RE SO GONNA THRASH THAT OPPOSING TEAM!"

"YEEEEAAAHH!!!"

Amidst their random, moronic cheering, a quiet laughter began to fill the locker room.

"Shut up, yo. You hear that?" Duncan said almost intelligently. 

"Ahahahaha…"

"Yeah, dude." #12 said. The confused football doofs began to look around in wonder. Their gazes fell to the side of the locker room reserved for showers. Slowly, a figure made its way around the corner…

"Dude, its an old bald-guy."

"In a wheelchair."

"What's he doing here?"

"Aahahaha-AHAHA-ahaha-haha-ha…"

They watched in amazement as he brought a finger to his temple and…

"YO, WHO POKED ME!?" Random football doof #7 cried.

"Yo, WHO POKED *ME*!?" Another exclaimed. 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!" The man continued. Slowly, he reversed back into the showers. 

The team blinked until he was fully out of the corner and out of sight. The laughter cut off short.

#4 blinked twice. 

"…That's whack, yo."

..:::::::::::::::::::::..

"CRIKEY!" John cried.

"Why do you always say that?" Remy asked, leaning against the random wall of the random living room on Asteroid M.

"Because… OI'M AUSTRALIAN… MATE!" 

Remy shook his head, continuing to lean all smooth and calm and collected because that's just what he does. 

"Grrr." Sabretooth commented.

"I am not a lackey." Piotr returned.

This, of course, was the usual conversation in the random living room on Asteroid M.

"Boys." Magneto said authorativley, as he flew in- cape blowing even though there was blatantly no wind- just because that's what HE does. 

"Cheah?" Was the communal response.

"Boys, we need to do something. Mess with the X-men… or the human race… or something…'Cause… I hate them."

"Aahahahahaha…"

"CRIKEY, YOU 'EAR THAT?" Pyro said, spazzing out of his chair.

"Yep."

"Grrr."

"I am not a lackey."

"Ahahahahahahahaha-AHAHA—"

"What's this? Some one ELSE laughing manically on MY asteroid! I WILL NOT HAVE IT!" Magneto said, wildly spinning around to look for the culprit. All eyes fell on the window where the sound appeared to be coming from. It gave a nice view of your typical 'black with stars' outer space… view.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--!"

They watched in amazement as their nemesis, Professor Charles Xavier came into view, the jet pack fixed to the back of his wheelchair propelling him upward.

"Crikey…"

He put his fingers to his temple, never ceasing to laugh, and appeared to concentrate.

"CRIKEY!"

"…ouch."

"GRRR."

"AUGH! DON'T POKE ME BECAUSE I'M RUSSIAN!"

"Which one o' you blokes POKED ME!?" John glared as he rubbed his shoulder.

"I sure didn't, MON AMI. Which one of you poked ME?" Remy returned.

"GRRRR. ME GOT POKED! ME KILL!"

"THAT'S IT!" Pyro proceeded to turn the random living room into a burning inferno.

"GRRR!" Sabretooth growled, advancing toward Colossus who was already coating himself in metal. Gambit decided to explode the chair upon which Pyro was randomly standing.

"What are you four going on about?" Magneto groaned, amazed at his henchmen's stupidity. The continuing maniacal laughter brought his gaze back to the window where his long time friend/rival was now lowering himself back out of sight.

"AAHAHAHAHAHA-AHAHA-ahaha-AHAHAHA—" Rang eerily through the air before it was gone.

A bewildered master of magnetism turned back to the destruction that was once a living room. Pondering, he took off his protective helmet and scratched his head.

..:::::::::::::::::::..

Logan knelt beside Patsy Jane (that's his motorcycle for those of us who aren't hardcore fans and don't know these things) and twisted a screwdriver at random so he could look all manly and tough by fixing a motorcycle. He was just about to replace his current tool of choice with a wrench when a strange sound met his ears… a sound he usually only heard at Christmas time when Ororo made egg nog…

"Ahahahahahahaha…."

He stood up, sniffing warily and turning his face towards the sky where his nose was leading him. He took a step back, dropping the screwdriver and watching in amazement as what was first a tiny dot in the sky, but as it got closer revealed itself to be none other than Charles Xavier. And it appeared he had gotten a hold of one of Hank's prototype jet packs and was giving it a test drive. 

"Charles?" He croaked as the be-wheel chaired man came closer and closer to the ground. Appearing to have spotted him for the first time, Xavier immediately put his fingers to his temple and… you know the drill.

"Augh!"Logan grumbled, rubbing his arm. "What'd ya do that for, Chuck?" 

But Xavier only laughed, the jets extinguishing as he slowly rolled towards the mansion. Logan shook his head, continuing to grumble about not getting paid enough when the sky decided to bestow yet another surprise unto him.

"AAAAAAAAUUGGGHHH! Oof. Grr…" Sabretooth, having just dropped from the sky, stood up and brushed himself off. 

"Stupid Gambit, blowing holes in the floor…" He sniffed suddenly, looking up. "Grrr… WOLVERINE!"

*SNIKT* "Grr… SABRETOOTH!"

Etc. Etc…

..:::::::::::::::::::::::::..

Jean stepped serenely out of her bed, tucking her long and ridiculously flowing, red hair behind her ears only to walk right into

"Scott!" She said, surprised and trying to hide her pleasure at seeing the same guy she sees every five minutes so what's so special about it any way… Okay. 

"Oh… uh… hiya, Jean." He said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

"Hi… Scott…" They stood uncomfortably for a moment before Jean broke the silence. "So… how are you?"

"Oh, I'm—" But she never found out how he was (not that she really cared anyway) as they were both interrupted by the rather abrupt opening of a random closet door and a burst of maniacal laughter as Professor Xavier rolled out (mind you, it wasn't a walk-in closet neither.)

"Erm, Professor?" Scott asked uncertainly as the man made his way to the two of them.

"Ehehehahahaha-aahahah-ahhaha…" He began slowly. Carefully, he raised his fingers to his temple and…

"Oh no!" Jean cried, recognizing the maneuver as an attack Xavier had taught her himself. "Scott! Look out!"

"Ow!" Too late. They both grumbled, rubbing their arms. 

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA---" Xavier exclaimed, slowly rolling passed them. The two teens could only stare as their mentor and father figure rolled to the end of the hall.

And right out the window. 

"AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Heh."

Pietro is a sexy bitch.


End file.
